Monday, March 21, 2011

The gardens

So. I finally finished the flower beds in the front yard. It was the work of a week. Two years ago it would have taken me a few hours.

I think it will take a long, long time for me to recover the strength of my arms and hands, at least partially. I know it will never be the way it was before.

What's different, you ask? Well, in 2009, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had opted to have a bilateral mastectomy, as I didn't want to possibly go through the same crap again with the other breast - great idea, as the pathology showed it was getting ready to get the big C word too - and also have an immediate reconstruction.

The reconstruction was of the kind that is called a "Latissimus Dorsi flap". They take the big muscles that run from underarm to your waist, they cut them at the waist-line end, they turn them around under the skin, and they put them on your chest. To hold implants. Normally, a piece of skin is taken too, to replace the breast skin that was taken during the mastectomy. I didn't need that, as I had a skin sparing mastectomy. Well, in the long run, I discovered that I wouldn't have needed the LD flap anyway, but I guess my plastic surgeon wanted to add more stuff to his portfolio. It was a harsh experience. For some reason, my battered chest did not like what was going on, and the result was a complete butcher job. I was furious at my plastic surgeon. Especially when I saw how easy he was taking everything, and with the "we'll fix that at the revision". Before the revision, a year after the main surgery, he told me that he couldn't understand what had happened. He did the revision ( I am glad I didn't ditch him to go to another surgeon) and he created a work of art. My new breasts look fabulous, and the most important, very natural. Like the breasts I had when I was 17, only double the size (couldn't convince him to put smaller implants). And on top of that, I will never need a bra for the rest of my life! Can you imagine? a 80 years old with perky boobs? bwahahaha!

Anyway. When it comes to the "look" part, everything is wonderful. When it comes to the quality of life part, it's horrendous. He realized too late that this is not a surgery to use on an ex-gymnast, because we have that muscle well developed and the torso relies on it very strongly when it comes to stabilizing the torso upright. Initially he had said "only if you are a professional swimmer or tennis player you might have problems". That was true... not!

I would say my arm and hand strength is now probably around 25% of what it was. I can't open jars - or even a coke bottle - by myself. If I wash dishes, and there is something to scrub, I can do the scrubbing motion for about 10 times after which I am in pain. If I stand up for more than 10 minutes or if I sit for more than 30 (without a back rest), my back hurts.

He also forgot to say that for the rest of my life I will not be allowed to do any exercises that work out the pectoral muscles - because that would move the implants (my implants are covered by the chest muscle totally, then the upper part by the pectoralis major muscle, and the bottom part by the latissimus dorsi muscle). There is no worry about overworking the latissimus dorsi muscle though, as it is by now separated from the pedicle. It was really annoying in the first year, after the first surgery, as any move I would make with my arm, my new "breasts" would start jumping up and down or flatten towards my armpit. I felt like a monster.

Anyway, this is how the LD flap is realized:


So, now you see why my flower beds took so long to do. But - and this is the most important - I did it!

And they look good.



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